tension.

megan:

There is a tension between the different sides of life here.

The work side, the outreach side, and the touristy/ everyday life side. Everyday starts with church 9-10. Then work 10-12. Lunch 12-1 and work 1-5. Work presents its own challenges, as I imagine any kind of job would. (Since I have limited work experience.) Plus is not just a business, but a ministry as well. But after about a month, we have a better idea of how things work around here and what we can do while we are here.

The outreach side is the most different side. It always starts with prayer. Then dinner, the same place, same meal every time. Then break into groups. Then go to a bar. Sometimes are harder than others. Sometimes I get to have a conversation with a woman sometimes I do not. I am always praying. Trying to make eye contact, smile or say hello. Play a game or hear about a womans dreams or children. Sometimes we are the only people in the bar, sometimes there are many customers, many women, or few women, lots of things going on, or nothing going on. Rituals, drinking, loud western music, lights flashing, cheap decor, dimly lit. a sprite in front of me. When we go home I feel relief to be out of the area- but my heart breaks a little more every time statistics become my friends.

Then the tourist side. There is more to Bangkok then prostitution- even if it is so notorious that any tourist book can tell you about red light districts. It is also true what the tourist books say about being careful that as falang (foreigner) you don't get scammed! Last Saturday we set off to visit the Kings Palace and as soon as we set foot on the curb: we were seamlessly intercepted into a fool proof procedure for scamming falang! Although we cant complain that much. We DID get to see two Wats as promised... but then we also got to see two very nice suit shops and three very nice jewelry shops. All for 30 Baht and two hours of our time. At least it was not really a money scam. Then we saw the Kings Palace and got to borrow some awesome clothes since we had shorts on.

I'm not sure how to handle all sides of life here. I do feel friction between them. I also feel challenged to see how big God really is. And how limitless his love is. Please pray for the women in the bars and for our outreach night.


tony:

I have now also been able to go on outreach 2 times. It is really strange, talking to men about what most men prefer to keep secret. In fact, I feel like the culture in the US would encourage you to keep quiet about sexual/relationship feelings/morality. Its becoming more and more apparent that sex is not all the men are here for. You see bars full of men sitting sharing drinks or a meal with a woman working in prostitution, trying to carry a conversation and it hits you. These men crave relationships....close relationships that they have not been able to attain with out a monetary cost. I find that particularly sad, since most of these men are from western areas. What in our culture has isolated these men so much that they feel a need to pay for love and kindness? Christians are supposed to give love freely (love thy neighbor), but it seems like we missed a few. Or have we missed a lot? I have realized how we are called to remember the forgotten, see the unseen, love the unlovable. I am so guilty of not doing this, and I am praying for this to change so that I may offer the love and grace that was shown to me first.

I have also found it difficult not to place a huge gap between me and the men. We are supposed to be non-judgmental. We are there to share love and grace, but how? We offer surveys to begin conversations (the data we collect is actually used though) and to convey that we care about what there going through. Anyways, its easy to put yourself on another level than that of these men, and that inhibits the ability to love. I know that I need to realize that I am one that was and is continually in need of love and grace. We are all on the same level, in fact under different life circumstances I can't say for sure that I wouldn't end up in same place as these men. When we place distance between each other...or when we apply status to our circumstances it inhibits the ability to love.

Christ called us to view each other as brothers and sisters, and not in just some hokey Christian jargon way, but as actual blood relatives. Now when i see a homeless Thai mother with her toddler sleeping on her lap, I can't help but see my own mother and sister sitting there (it's enough to bring you to tears). It has allowed me not to feel so awkward to bend over offer money, and say hello (I wish I could say more, but my Thai is so limited). If I haven't made it clear, this is related to my point about placing gaps between ourselves and those in need. If I were to see this woman and her daughter as just homeless, Thai, beggars, etc. I would have placed a huge barrier to me and this family, and if I want to help I would have to work hard get across this "gap" first, and the effort would feel like charity. However, when I narrow this gap by thinking of them as my own family, it places them right next to me. And when I try to help it's not "charity" it's just what you do for family. The same goes for the men in the sex trade, they are my brothers, and at times its hard to see that.. really hard, but I'm trying and praying that it would become more apparent to me. Please pray for this in me and our community as we try to show the love and grace we were given first.